Vinnie uses his New Mexico and federal tax refunds for landscaping
A while back, I gave my friend Vinnie (not his real name) a price for landscaping his yard and I hadn’t heard back from him. You remember my friend Vinnie, right? I decided to go see what he was up to.
“Yo, Vinnie, what’s going on?” I said.
“Not too much Vic, how-you-doin’?” He comes up to me and gives me a big, beefy hug.
I ventured. “You ready to do the landscaping we talked about a while back?”
“Shua, I’m ready. Let’s get started right away,” he said. “I want you to build me an outdoor fireplace, get rid of the ugly grass in my front yard and grab some of that xeriscape rebate money, put in some low-voltage landscape lighting… you know. Fix up the place a little.”
“That’s great!” I said. “But I thought you were a little short on cash, what with your new situation and everything.” [I think Vinnie is in the witness protection program.]
“Yeah, well this honest living is kinda hard on a mook like me, but it does have its perks,” he said. “S’matter a fact, I got a big fat tax check from the Feds, an’ anudder refund from the State of New Mexico. If I had known about dis befoah, I woulda started filin’ taxes a long time ago. So, I’m gonna use my tax refunds to pay for landscaping. Heah, look at the size of these checks!”
“What?” I was surprised at the amount. “How in the world did you get all this money back?”
“I gotta lotta deductions, what with all my kids an’ all. I got some of the da most bootiful kids.” he said proudly.
“Oh, I didn’t even know you had a family!” I said.
“Yeah, yeah! Look heah at dis picture,” he said, pulling out his wallet. “That’s is my daughter, ain’t she byooty-ful? She lives back east wit’ her mudder.”
“She’s very pretty. Is your wife Asian?” I asked.
“Nah, she’s an Eye-talian gal from da Bronx,” he said with a puzzled look.
“Oh I see. So you guys adopted a little Asian girl,” I said.
“Whassamattr for you!” he exclaimed. “You try’na to bust my chops?”
Vinnie looked at the picture closely. His eyes opened wide in sudden realization, “Ah Madonna mia! I knew I shoulda been keeping an eye on that tennis coach!”
Vinnie rushed into the house. “Wait Vinnie, where are you going?” I asked.
Over his shoulder, he said, “I gotta talk to a guy who owes me a favor!”
“So, do you still want to spend your tax refund on landscaping your yard?” I asked, doubtfully.
“Oh yeah, definitely,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “But also I wanna put in a vegetable garden over there in the corner, and you make shua you dig that area up nice and deep. Yeah… nice and deep.”